#75 You Ask, We Answer # 3


February 28th, 2018

51 mins 13 secs

Your Hosts

About this Episode

We have decided that we’re going to do a ‘You Ask, We Answer’ every month. Last Wednesday of the month - tune in and we’ll be answering your questions. In detail! With chutzpah! So, keep sending us your questions, your problems and your issues related to wedding planning. We read everything, we answer every email, and we might read your email on the air (don’t worry, we’ll ask permission!) so that your questions, and our answers, can help countless other people in the midst of wedding planning. It’s a win win, y’all!

Big Takeaways
Quick reminder - don’t forget to hashtag #planthatwedding when you post about our podcast or your wedding planning. We’re tagging everything with #planthatwedding - across all social media. And if you send a little video of you listening to the podcast (love our opening song? Thanks!) - you will MAKE OUR DAY.

1 Email - “Unkind Mother of the Bride”

Ask: This listener, Cheyenne, wrote in about her mom. “She’s always been an unhappy person, but it wasn’t until I was an adult that I realized how narcissistic and downright mean she is.” This heartbreaking email outlines the bride’s tense relationship with her mom, and how it’s affecting her wedding planning. This bride has distanced herself during the planning process, but is very worried that her mom’s involvement and presence will ruin the wedding day, and taint her experience of what is supposed to be a joyful day. She wants to know if she should cut her mom out of the wedding completely.
Answer: Note that we are not therapists. But we do have some experience with all of this. Repeat this; “I can no longer wish my mother to be who I want her to be.” Release your expectations of your mother - she will never meet them. Take her for who she is, or don’t. Don’t put any weight on your mom’s reactions any more.
Our advice is to invite her to your wedding. And for the rest of the planning process, and on the actual wedding day, shut her down immediately anytime she begins a sentence that starts to go negative. (Don’t ask for her advice. She’ll likely give it anyway, but don’t ask.) Something like this, “Ok, mom. Love you.” And then you hang up. Or walk away. Or close the door. Try not to let her get to you. It’s your wedding day and it sounds like it’s going to be beautiful - enjoy it. You can’t change your mom. You CAN have the wedding of your dreams. We believe in you, Cheyenne!

2 Email - “Newbie Wedding Planner or Experienced-and -Maybe-Over-priced-Planner”

Ask: This bride wants to know if she should hire a planner that is new to the industry and offering a great deal for full planning, or an experienced planner with fairly high prices.
Answer: There are pros and cons, of course. In our long answer, we emphasize the importance of “month of” planning, as we have often on the podcast.

Things to think about:

  • With the established planner, make sure that you know -in writing - exactly who will be there managing the wedding day. (It could be an associate, and you should know if this is a possibility.)
  • With the ‘newbie’ - get references of previous brides she has worked with, even if it’s only 2.
  • Also with the newbie - check out her day-of templates. Make sure her contract is long and legit. A good vibe between you and your wedding planner is VERY important. You have to go with your gut a little. If you feel like the newbie will:
  • have your back
  • aim to please
  • be very responsive
  • stand her ground (advocate for you, be a strong liaison between you and vendors, make quick, SMART decisions day of, be assertive...) ....then we think you should hire her. There's no guarantee the experienced planner will be better just because she's done more weddings. We were all newbies at some point!

Links we referenced
www.livingaf.com and @amandafailla - super awesome fan that sent a video to us!
https://www.zola.com/bigwedding - Our Sponsor! When you sign up, use the /bigwedding and get a $50 credit just for being a TBWPP listener

*Quotes *
“I lost more sleep and I was more anxious for this PTA event than I have been for any wedding ever.” - Christy, event planning runs the gamut

“We want to know who you are!” - Christy and Michelle

“Yes, we do believe in you. And we are here for you!” - Michelle, to our dear listeners

“My question is: Should I just cut my mom off to avoid the eminent drama and hurtfulness that has no place at our wedding? I just feel like that will be the end of our relationship and something that I regret for the rest of my life. It feels me with anxiety wondering what horrible thing she will say or do during my wedding.” - Listener Cheyenne

“Believe me, the next time she says something awful, stay silent. Silence makes this type of person very uncomfortable.” - Michelle, with advice for avoiding conflict

“Make sure her timeline is super detailed. Make sure her contract is long and legit. And make sure she has templates for the ceremony layout...look at some paperwork.” - Christy, words of advice when hiring a wedding planner - you have to know what they are actually going to DO for you

Get In Touch
Let us know if you have any questions you need answered on the show or if you want to share your own wedding planning experiences!

EMAIL: thebigweddingplanningpodcast@gmail.com
INSTAGRAM: @thebigweddingplanningpodcast
BE SURE TO USE THE HASHTAG: #planthatwedding
PHONE: (415) 723-1625 Leave us a message and it might be on the show!