#154 You Ask, We Answer - 21


July 31st, 2019

59 mins 8 secs

Your Hosts

About this Episode

Today’s episode is a You Ask, We Answer, as is our end-of-month tradition.


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EMAIL - too much information??

ASK - First, thank you so much for this podcast it has been a savings grace for my sometimes over organized, love to have control everything, used to think our wedding needs to be perfect self. Don't worry since listening I've learned it's not going to be perfect, what I need to really spend the time planning, and what just needs to be tossed into the fuck it bucket. My fiancé and I have been listening over the last year. I have listened to every episode at least once, some twice, and even three times for the episodes that I needed to take even better notes on. We are pretty much paying and planning for everything ourselves so every piece of information has been EXTREMELY helpful, and don't worry we have a month of. We get married August 3rd 2019! We have been engaged for two and a half years and started planning with a 18 month countdown and boy did it go by fast! With our wedding coming up in less than 30 days we are working on all of the last minute small details. With my fiancé and I being in our... late 20s for me and his early 30s for him we have been to a ton of weddings recently. One of my biggest pet peeves when attending a wedding is lack of information: not knowing where to go next or what we should be doing etcetera. With this being said I really wanted our guests to get a ton of information so they don't ever feel lost or uncomfortable. We will still have a few signs people probably won't read, have a couple announcements that some people won’t hear, and have given our wedding party a bunch of information that they are probably confused about Haha. BUT along with all of this we have decided to have an Instagram just for our wedding and our guests!(very millennial of us).My matron of honor loves IG and has agreed to post our pre-made Instagram posts throughout the lows of the day on our wedding Instagram. We have already started to add our guests now so we do not have to worry about this the day of. I have listed below some of the announcements that my fiancé and I feel would be useful not in any particular order. Do you think this is too much information and do you think it will be just as confusing for our guests? Do you see something we should add? Do you see an issue that we are not foreseeing?

Ceremony starts at 415
Cocktail hr is open bar
Dinner starts at 6
Dress code
No phones during ceremony
Signature drinks
Beer and wine only during reception
Send off at 11pm
Games during cocktail hr
Find your table
save room for cake!
Use our snapchat filter

Thank you so much for all the information that you two have already supplied us! We will continue to tell everyone we know that is getting married about your podcast. Keep up the great work.

Best wishes,



Hi hi! Thank you for listening! And for writing in- sounds like you are very on top of things!

The Instagram page sounds awesome- please share some pics with us afterwards with your thoughts about how that process (of sharing pics) goes.

I don’t know if you need to make announcements about all of this that you listed- signage can take care of some of it. Like you can do a sign at the entrance with the BASIC schedule on it- ceremony, cocktails (open bar!), dinner, cake, send off. And your planner should be able to help direct the series of micro-events, having the Dj or emcee make announcements when needed. Like a grand entrance, last call, special dances, etc.

Your officiant can announce at the very top of the ceremony that you are kindly asking that guests refrain from using their cells during the ceremony.

I suggest you have a sign on the bar during cocktail that says that beer and wine only will be served during the reception. Also it can have the specialty cocktail on it.

Some things- like the dress code and the games don’t even really need to be mentioned at all- they’re obvious on the day-of. And remember- sometimes the best way to get the word out is to tell your parents and tell them to pass it on!

I totally agree that it’s annoying to be at a wedding as a guest and not know wtf is going on. This issue though, imo, has less to do with announcements and more to do with a general disorganization. The couple doesn’t know what happens next, the dj doesn’t have a timeline, no one is in charge...you get the picture. That’s not what’s going to happen with a good month-of planner!

Good luck! Congratulations!!


EMAIL - Short question that is impossible to answer

_ASK _

Hi there,

Thinking about some of my favorite weddings I’ve attended, some of the best moments have been spontaneous and random things that happened- for example, everyone heading to hotel room for an after party that the bride and groom ended up joining or a bridal party photo shoot that ended up turning into walking barefoot in a stream in the woods. I want to leave space for some of this spontaneous magic in my wedding...and I also want to plan every single detail down to the minute so I know nothing goes wrong! How do you suggest balancing those two things? And is there anything structurally or set up-wise I can do to encourage people to be creative and spontaneous? Thanks for your thoughts! Love the podcast so much.


Great email, I smiled reading it because you're asking for the impossible. Just kidding! I don't have lots of advice on this one though...but I do love the sentiment.

I think you just don't over-schedule. Leave buffer time in the timeline between all the micro events. Surround yourself with people you love and have fun (fun people!). Say yes to experiences, even if they aren't on the timeline. The thing I know for sure about weddings is that they are only as much fun as the couple getting married. Let people give toasts, even if it's not planned. If you have an idea on the wedding day - don't talk yourself out of it.

Are you in our facebook group? You could pose this question to the group - it's pretty active and there are 100 other people there that listen to the podcast and are planning their weddings too. I think this question would resonate with them and some might have better suggestions than me!

EMAIL - 3 separate questions!


First and foremost- your show has been the holy grail of everything wedding I didn’t know I needed to know!!!!

I can’t thank you enough for not only your insight but also how thorough, detailed, and organized you both are with projecting your message on topics! You really double as professors in wedding planning!🤩

I listen religiously and have a few questions that would LOVE your insight

  1. How far is too far to ask your guests to drive between church and venue. The city my church is in has limited venue options - especially since my finance and I want a hotel type venue where our whole guest count can stay on site (as 90% of them are out of town!) I love my church I was baptized in and don’t want to move the ceremony, is 1 hour drive from church > reception (which would also be hotel) too much? What about you much for bridal party and VIP to go there and back day of? UGH!

  2. I heard a bit about how you explained each dress code, but how do you best match your dress code and vision to your venue- ie we want a very formal elegant party - but our fav venue is a country club thus far in the area.. too formal? How do we dress up the venue to match our vision.

  3. What’s your take on “lag time” between ceremony finishing and reception starting. Do couples build in an extra hour to take pictures then attend their cocktail hour? My parents think attending your own cocktail hour is crazy talk.. but I don’t want to miss the party!

Thank you SO much for your time, energy, and enthusiasm. It is beyond noticed, appreciated and enjoyed!!!!


We need to answer this together!

(In the meantime, if you really need an answer to make your decision, I think it is ok to have the 1 travel time between ceremony and reception - as long as it's all directly and clearly communicated to guests, and also since the reception venue is a hotel, your guests will have the convenience of not having to drive anywhere after the reception, so that's a huge plus. Making the hour difference earlier in the day less of a big deal. Have you considered any transportation options? Also - try to plan the day so that the wedding party is only making the drive one time- like the guests. They will just need to get there earlier (to the ceremony) and stay later. If you are going to do post-ceremony portraits, make sure that the location for those is either very close to the ceremony, or very close to the reception, not a stop in between, if possible.)

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