#125 You Ask, We Answer - 14


January 30th, 2019

55 mins 51 secs

Your Hosts

About this Episode

Big Takeaways
We LOVE getting listener emails with questions! And if you want our attention for a full two hours of one-on-one consulting, hit us up and we can schedule a video chat meeting. 2 hours, $200. Easy peasy! So valuable and fun.

Wed 2019 - We are the emcees for this day-long educational wedding event in Boston. Join us! (links below). We are SO excited about this event and trip.

1 Email - Is it too late to fire our wedding party?

Ask: Wedding party drama alert!
This couple is in their thirties and their planning a destination wedding. They have groomsmen bitching about buying a new suit, bridesmaids worried about money and traveling, and friends that feel excluded from the wedding party. How to loosen things up and make everyone happy??

Answer: Some ideas in order to 'tone it down' - consider nixing the required attire, let them wear what they want. It's a destination wedding! It can be more relaxed this way. (They can still have bouts and bouqs.) I also suggest that they are part of the formal photos - either before or after the wedding, and they walk in down the aisle as part of the processional, but then they can just sit in the front row or second row, they don't have to stand up there with you two.

You can involve these 8 people, and your other friends in various ways. Have all the girls get ready together and make it fun. (Mimosas and Spotify...). Ask different friends to do readings during the ceremony, or toasts during the reception.

2 Email - Boxes, crates, garbage bags?

Ask: My question is about organization of all things weddings! We have been purchasing things for our 9.1.19 wedding and I’m officially at the place where almost every room has a pile of wedding stuff. This includes everything from little items for those ‘details’ lay flats to tote bags for the bridesmaids to big lanterns. I want to store things in the best way possible so it doesn’t take over our house but also so it’s organized for the weekend. Any suggestions?

Answer: I love it when couples give me boxes on the wedding day - all labeled and taped closed. If you can do that with what you have now, just fill boxes as carefully as you can and make sure to include a detailed label. Once you have stuff in place, try not to mess with it anymore! Then on the wedding day, I re-use the boxes when I put stuff back in them to go back home with the couple, and I throw away the ones I don't need anymore - like a favor box or wine box.

It's not an exact science, but it works! Labels are key. The 'best' brides will use a full piece of paper to label - clearly identifying everything in the box PLUS where it needs to be placed wedding day and who it needs to go home with at the end of the night. Plus any special instructions. If you want your candy bar set up a certain way...sketch it out, or do a mock up at home and take a pic. Put that in/on the box.

Answer: Email #3 To First Look, or not to First Look
Ask: My body seems to go into shock during high-stress, high-attention moments like this. I almost passed out when we got engaged for some reason...my hands go numb...I have no Idea why LOL. I'm worried and terrified this will happen when I get to the aisle and would love a first look to get my nerves settled. Have you two ever come across compromises with first looks? How do you two feel about them? I really would love to see his face and talk to him while respecting his wishes for the big day. Where's a good middle-ground here?

Answer: Here's the compromise - you have to make the First Look feel really special. Sacred. With a walk towards him and with your bouquet and in a beautiful spot. So that you almost recreate the moment as it would be if you did it during the ceremony. It can (and should imo) be just the two of you and the photographer. Allow some time for this in your day-of timeline. Then take 15 minutes of photos with just you two. Tell him this will feel more intimate to you (in addition to helping with the crazy nerves), and that you will be be so much more relaxed during the ceremony if you get this done before hand. A first look allows you to control the situation a little more, and it gives you two time to just breathe together and take each other in a little bit. You probably won't get that kind of time together for the rest of the day!

Email #4 “Too many ideas! Where to spend money?”
Ask: My fiancé loves comic books, and Star Wars, I love Disney and Harry Potter. We both love movies so we are trying to work in some hints of everything into our wedding but we don’t want it to feel cheesy, or themed. We took some fun engagement pictures in a theater with some of our silly movie themed props. We had a friend illustrate our save the dates to look like a Pixar movie short/comic strip. Our plan is to name our tables after movie locations rather than just numbers (OZ, Hogwarts, Gotham, Atlantis etc) my main question it how much is too much? What are the parts of a wedding that take a theme well, and what might lead us to cross the line into tacky?

Budget of course always comes into play. My priority has always been with the photos, but where else is our budget best spent? I plan to put together my own bouquets to save... but is it awful to use silk flowers? Are we better off choosing a small cake and spend money on dessert variety instead? is it okay to be sparse and let the space speak for itself? I don’t want to over do anything, but I also don’t want to miss the ball completely and have it feel too sparse.

Answer: We have a lot to say about this one! Spend money on then things you really care about. And don’t make the whole place look like a movie prop warehouse!
Since you are both into pop culture and movies - go there! Mine for awesome lines from those movies and books. A super hero's creed. A line in HP that talks about love and commitment and knowing true love when you feel it. A Disney princess's proclamation...include this all in the ceremony script. Have friends participate by doing readings if you want to involve more people. Consider walking down the aisle to some cinematic ballad or theme song that makes your heart soar overtime you hear it. It's corny - but I know you know what I'm talking about! The ceremony is a good place to bring in a theme when the theme is based on things you both actually love...which this is!

Maybe a small wedding cake from WalMart (or Whole Foods…) is just fine for you two! Maybe grocery store flowers will be just enough in the space. Look into cool lighting, you can get a lot of bang for your buck with lighting.

Links we referenced

“So my question is: Is there a way to back out of having a bridal party? Or a way of having a “toned down” bridal party so more people can be included but no one actually stands up with us?” - Listener with bridal party drama

“Since the desserts themselves aren't elaborate, think about setting up the table in a cool way. Make sure there are platters in various sizes and heights, some flowers, maybe a cool backdrop.” - Christy, on prioritizing

“You're in a super cool venue...you don't need to dress it up to look like a cookie cutter wedding. You picked it because you liked that it was a theater!” - Christy

“My fiancé loves comic books, and Star Wars, I love Disney and Harry Potter. We both love movies so we are trying to work in some hints of everything into our wedding but we don’t want it to feel cheesy, or too themed.” - Listener on her maybe-themed wedding

“We have a goal for 2019. We want to TRIPLE our listeners. If you are listening right now on the BART, sitting on the train, look to your right, look to your left, look at that guy’s crotch standing right in front of you because it’s fucking packed, and just imagine if all four of you were listening to The Big Wedding Planning Podcast.” - Christy, just imagine it, it would be awesome

“Let that person be a pain in the ass. They’re hurting themselves more than you. Onward and Upward!” - Michelle, on bratty friends

“If you guys can cuddle and love and kiss before the ceremony...when the ceremony happens, it’s still going to be a unique moment!” - Michelle, on first looks, pros and cons

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