#106 You Ask, We Answer - 10

September 26th, 2018 · 51 mins 7 secs

About this Episode

Monthly installment - YAWA! This week we’re talking more about families...this time, it’s the overbearing, well-intentioned parents that get the attention. And more info about non-traditional receptions, helpful signage and honoring deceased loved ones at your wedding. It’s a big spectrum this time!

Big Takeaways
The biggest takeaway of all is that we are here to help YOU! Send us your questions and concerns and we’ll try our very best to get back to you personally and promptly and we may even read your email on an upcoming YAWA. Listeners helping listeners, helping us help you. See? It all goes in a big circle.

Announcement!
Modern Love Event

  • Modern Love is a Wedding Showcase (like you've never seen before!)
  • Sunday, December 2, 2018. The Cordelle in Nashville, TN
  • We are sponsors. We will have lounge area and we’ll be recording episodes with brides, grooms, and inquisitive minds!
  • Code for 50% off tickets for TBWPP Listeners! - BigWedding

1 Email - “How do I make sure guests are prepared for my unique wedding reception?”

Ask: Because it is a rather unusual wedding, I am worried that guests are not going to enjoy being kept on a tight schedule. The wedding will start earlier and end by 8pm, in order to set the venue to welcome the public and begin the post-reception show.
My question is this--how to I present this unusual wedding to my guests? I don't want them to be alarmed by the idea and at the same time I want them to be totally prepared for what to expect on the wedding day.

Answer: A public concert after the reception sounds awesome! I think the best way to do it is to just move forward assuming that your guests are there to witness your marriage and support you and have a good time - following YOUR LEAD. If that means a sort of tight schedule so it can be over by 8, that's fine! I'm confident people will want to go on this ride with you - even though it isn't typical! It's adventurous and fun. Just make sure you are clear about the day when you invite your guests - maybe post details on your wedding website or in a follow up email after you send your official wedding invitations. Make sure people know that the wedding is for invited guests only and then afterwards, everyone is invited to stay for the concert and lots more people will be joining, hopefully. If it's at a separate part of the venue - you invite wedding guests like it's an after party. Not everyone will stay, but you don't need to worry about that! You and Chad need to focus on crafting this day so that you feel the most love from the most people in your life. Your tribe will show up, mama!

2 Email - “MOB is in the wedding industry and wants us to do this HER WAY”

Ask: Because her family are, essentially, "Wedding People" coming from the bridal dress industry, her mother has a LOT of opinions about what we should and should not do. I'm not opposed to opinions, I want to hear from people since she and I are doing the planning ourselves. However, we are the only people in our families that live in Minneapolis, where we met and are planning to get married. Her mother is trying to choose caterers, bridesmaid dresses, etc. everyone she can think of despite what my fiance and I have discussed and agreed upon. Do you have any advice on how to navigate a nit-picking future mother-in-law, and any advice how I can convince her that I have serious opinions on this wedding as well?

Answer: My advice to you is nip this in the bud ASAP. You can be kind, but firm at the same time. I'm sure your FMIL is very excited as she should be, but the two of you need to communicate with her that this is your wedding and you need to go through the planning process on your own terms. Remind her of how exciting it is to plan this wedding together as a couple. Your FMIL, may also be of the old school mindset that the groom is not always so involved in the planning. In your case, this sounds like the total opposite. Of course you don't want to hurt any feelings, but the fact is, that is you don't take care of this now, feelings will get hurt down the line and conflict will arise out of your lack of communication.

Email #3 “How do we honor loved ones that passed away?”
Ask: I lost my father about 5 years ago to a heart attack. My fiance also just lost his mother december 2017 to breast cancer. We were wondering what can we do to honor them that day... we are obviously not going to do parent dances. I did some pintresting (word?) and i just see a remembrance table with a candle or a reserved place setting at a table....are there any other things that we can do?
Answer: I can't even imagine what you have gone through, my heart goes out to you both. I have worked - strangely - with at least 6 brides that lost a parent, pretty recently prior to their wedding. Everyone has honored their loved ones in different ways. Have you listened to the episode with my best friend, Lauren? It's all about her planning journey and wedding, which coincided with her mom dying of cancer. Her mom actually passed 1 week after the wedding. It was brutal. But the way she shares her story, and what she tried to take from the experience is really beautiful. It's number 58.

The most common thing that clients have done is the remembrance table - photos and maybe a small sign in a frame on a table that is displayed during the reception. Also, I've seen reserved seats during the ceremony, maybe with a calalily or rose laid across them...although, if I were the bride, this would be too emotional for me to see while up at the altar. You have to think about how you and your fiancé will be able to craft the day so that your parents are honored and mentioned and loved, but that the focus stays on you two and your journey together, and the commitment you are making. You have to be able to enjoy your wedding day.

Oh! Quick question...what do our listeners think about schwag? Branded items you would buy? Something? Anything? Let us know.

Links we referenced
http://modernloveevent.com
https://www.zola.com/bigwedding
www.patreon.com/thebigweddingplanningpodcast
http://www.thebigweddingplanningpodcast.com/the-happiest-sad-day

Quotes
“Before my alarm goes off, I’m waking up thinking - I don’t know if the musicians are going to have music stands. In my head, it’s that school nightmare when you show up and you don’t know where your class is.” - Christy, on why September is crazy for wedding planners

“If you look at their instagram feeds, I’m like drooling. Like I can’t wait to mingle with these Nashville peeps and see what it’s all about...Everyone wants to go to Nashville!” - Michelle, on the Modern Love Event

“Life is what happens when you are planning weddings.” - Michelle, for real

“Carry it with you, have it in the room when you are getting ready...special things on your person, on your body, close to your heart. You can feel their presence even more.” - Michelle, on honoring a loved one on your wedding day

“I think it’s impossible - like just impossible. So anytime I look and someone has actually tweeted at us, I’m like WHAT IS HAPPENING IN THE WORLD?” - Christy, on Twitter, the endless mountain she is climbing

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