#92 What Straight Couples Can Learn From Gay Weddings


June 20th, 2018

55 mins 48 secs

Your Hosts

About this Episode

It’s PRIDE month and we’re so stoked to talk more about gay weddings in this episode!

Big Takeaways
First things first - Congratulations Michelle! She’s an Auntie! Baby Viviana Michelle was born just one day before we recorded this episode. Mama and baby are doing fine and Michelle is thrilled to be an aunt and Godmother.

Some Pride history / facts
Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender Pride Month (LGBT Pride Month) is currently celebrated each year in the month of June to honor the 1969 Stonewall riots in Manhattan. The Stonewall riots were a tipping point for the Gay Liberation Movement in the United States. In the United States the last Sunday in June was initially celebrated as “Gay Pride Day,” but the actual day was flexible. In major cities across the nation the “day” soon grew to encompass a month-long series of events. Today, celebrations include pride parades, picnics, parties, workshops, symposia and concerts, and LGBT Pride Month events attract millions of participants around the world. Memorials are held during this month for those members of the community who have been lost to hate crimes or HIV/AIDS. The purpose of the commemorative month is to recognize the impact that lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender individuals have had on history locally, nationally, and internationally.

The SCOTUS ruling: Obergefell v. Hodges, June 26, 2015 - a landmark civil rights case in which the Supreme Court of the United States ruled that the fundamental right to marry is guaranteed to same-sex couples. The ruling requires all fifty states to perform and recognize the marriages of same-sex couples on the same terms and conditions as the marriages of opposite-sex couples, with all the accompanying rights and responsibilities

The quote: Justice Kennedy: “No union is more profound than marriage, for it embodies the highest ideals of love, fidelity, devotion, sacrifice, and family. In forming a marital union, two people become something greater than once they were. As some of the petitioners in these cases demonstrate, marriage embodies a love that may endure even past death. It would misunderstand these men and women to say they disrespect the idea of marriage. Their plea is that they do respect it, respect it so deeply that they seek to find its fulfillment for themselves. Their hope is not to be condemned to live in loneliness, excluded from one of civilization’s oldest institutions. They ask for equal dignity in the eyes of the law. The Constitution grants them that right.”
This is the quote we are seeing included in most gay wedding ceremonies - all or part. It is important and it is beautiful.

Here’s some exciting CEREMONY stuff we are seeing as more gay couples plan their weddings...ways to express themselves and their relationship with their loved ones:
Aisles - Gay couples are scrapping the traditional walk down the aisle, for a lot of reasons! So, as wedding planners, it’s a super fun challenge to get creative with the processional. How you design the entire ceremony space depends on if you want an aisle, or two, or a ceremony in the round...do you walk in together? Do you meet in the middle? Are you given away by a loved one? Tons to think about!
A Ceremony Toast - one thing gay couples are doing during the ceremony that is considered a ‘new tradition’ is a toast during the ceremony. Champagne can be passed as guests arrive for the ceremony, or (Christy’s personal favorite) you can have the caterer tray pass champagne down the aisle in the middle of the ceremony. A toast - by the officiant - or a guest (like a reader) is proposed and everyone says cheers. It’s a way to acknowledge the chosen friends and family that support the couple. It’s something you don’t see a lot of during straight weddings and it’s a hit, trust us!
The pronunciation! Pronouns are important - for trans couples, the moment the officiant ends the ceremony with a pronunciation of marriage and an introduction

Links we referenced:
Great Article on the history of PRIDE: https://www.bustle.com/articles/166925-the-origins-of-pride-month-what-you-should-know-about-its-history
Gay Wedding Planning EXPERT: https://gayweddinginstitute.com
Planning Tool via Wedding Wire: http://gayweddings.com
Photographer Steph Grant: http://www.stephgrantphotography.com/blog/
Photographer Tony Valadez: http://tonyvaladez.com
Photographer Cindy and Sharon: http://www.samesexweddingphotographers.com
Our episode with Bernadette Smith (gay wedding expert): http://www.thebigweddingplanningpodcast.com/gay-weddings-with-bernadette-smith

*Quotes *
“Rules and traditions are changing...working with what is important to you to include in your ceremony and not necessarily what you are ‘supposed’ to do or what you’ve been told you should do...weddings are evolving.” - Christy, on ways that straight couples can express themselves...inspired by gay couples

“That was one of my very favorite wedding ceremonies. Every word that they said to each other felt weighted and elevated at the same time because they had already had a lifetime together.” - Christy sniff

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