Ooh Lala...We are heading into uncharted wedding podcast territory with this one and we are SO EXCITED! In this episode, we talk about sex, baby! A healthy sex life is very important to a healthy relationship. Dr. Magdalena Fosse helps us define ‘healthy’, plus, she talks a lot about pleasure. This is part 2 of 2 with Dr. Magdalena Fosse. In Part 1 (Ep #65), we discussed relationships, communication, and perspective. So, let’s do this!
Shift your expectations for a more satisfying Sex Life. This starts with education! Learn about your own body, find out what feels good, talk about what you like and what intrigues you! Also, remember that our bodies change as we age. Our expectations should evolve too.
If you are a woman (we think most of our listeners are) and you have thought to yourself, “Wow, I can’t seem to have an orgasm when we have regular old P-in-th-V sex! Something must be wrong with me.” - Magdalena talks about that old Freudian legacy - it’s a myth! Most women need clitoral stimulation to orgasm, and that’s just a fact. See? The more you know, the more accurate your expectations, and the more satisfying your sex life. Boom.
In America, there is a stigma of shame around talking about sex. People talk about sex all the time, but it’s either in a joking way, or a whispered way. Magdalena encourages us to ignore that stupid stigma! Shame is when we feel like something is wrong with us, at our core. And there isn’t anything wrong with sex, if you aren’t hurting anyone.
With a sexual partner that you want to have a long and fruitful sex life with, positive feedback is essential. Tell them what to do, rather than what not to do. Delivery matters! You can be encouraging and specific, and you can motivate your partner to keep doing what feels great.
Your brain is your biggest sexual organ. Anticipation is sexy! Looking forward to something is part of the fun! There is a direct line between desire and arousal. A man tends to feel desirable when he is physically, noticeably aroused. But seeing an aroused man doesn’t just automatically turn most women on. What does turn most women on - what arouses most women - is the feeling of being desired. Feel desirable, get aroused. Part of the foreplay is mental!
Break out of the routine with your partner - boring efficiency is a killer of sex lives. You have to put effort into your sex like - it shouldn't feel obligatory, it should feel exciting. It won’t always feel exciting, but if you take more initiative and plant seeds of anticipation with your partner, your sex life will be more exciting, more often.
Links we referenced
Dr. Magdalena Fosse: Clinical Psychologist, Certified Sex Therapist and Couple’s Counselor: www.drfosse.com
PCFINE, Psychodynamic Couple and Family Institute of New England: https://www.pcfine.org
SSTAR to find a qualified Sex Therapist: http://www.sstar.org
“Have you talked to your partner about sex? Because you should.” - Michelle
“A clitoris has twice as many nerve endings as the penis does. Just think about that. Twice as many.” - Magdalena
“No guy would expect to have a fabulous orgasm by having his balls stimulated. He’d be like, that’s great, but move on!” - Magdalena
“I’m a huge proponent of masturbation.” - Magdalena
“Being an object of desire is a turn on in itself.” - Magdalena, talking specifically about women
“Do handjobs count? Cause some days, that’s all I have in me.” - Christy
“Fantasies are really important. It’s a choice whether you share them or not. It can be enriching, but it can also diminish the power of them.” - Magdalena on the power of fantasies
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