More unique content from Michelle with Cass-Lara-Tony, a poly-family, and the luminous Dr. Magdalena Fosse, clinical psychologist (one of our all-time favorite contributors!). What happens when two people get legally married, but have a third partner in their relationship? Turns out, it’s a lot like a ‘normal’ traditional hetero-wedding! Only, the Maid of Honor sleeps in the same bed as the couple at the altar.
Primary partners and secondary partners are common arrangements with polyamorous couples. In this case, Cass and Tony are each others’ primary partner, and Lara is Cass’s secondary partner. Cass and Tony being married doesn’t mean Lara goes away. They are choosing to live their lives together, the three of them, in one house.
There is a stigma and even societal repercussions for poly-families, so many keep their arrangements a secret in some or all aspects of their life.
Dr. Fosse clarifies for us that poly relationships are very difficult - both to decide to go down this road, and then to be successful at it. Both parties in a couple need to be on the same page if they want to ‘open’ their relationship up, and that is very rare. There are so many circumstances that have to line up in order to move forward.
Links we referenced
Dr. Magdalena Fosse https://www.drfosse.com “Queen of Polyamory” (dubbed by her colleagues)
Part 1 of 2! https://www.thebigweddingplanningpodcast.com/polyamory-and-wedding-planning-part-1-of-2
“Your first response should be I AM SO HAPPY FOR YOU, and not, ‘what is going to happen to your other partner?’” - Cass, on being disappointed by friend’s reactions to her engagement
“I understand when people look at our relationship and just don’t get it. I know. It’s different. It’s not for everyone. It takes a lot of trust and openness and moments of vulnerability...it’s not easy all of the time.” - Lara, on being in a poly-relationship
“I don’t want to be the reason you don’t do something. I don’t want to hold you back. Go experience life and if we’re going to make this commitment, I know that if it really matters and if I really need you, you’re going to be right there.” - Tony, on why this relationship works for him, ‘sharing’ Cass
“Don’t be afraid of conflict. But learn to resolve it. Resolve it with love and compassion and respect. People want to be heard. Try getting to a place where you can see your partner, truly see them. You have to have a true desire to know this person.” - Dr. Fosse with professional advice for all
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