Appropriateness, values, and activism in weddings. Katrina Majkut, author of the book, The Adventures and Discoveries of a Feminist Bride; What No One Tells You Before You Say ‘I Do’, joins us this week. Katrina’s book is the only wedding book that explains where all our Western traditions come from and how they impact the people we love. It uses feminism, humor, and fun facts to help eradicate all the hidden sexism in wedding traditions and provides egalitarian options for all. Katrina is also a visual artist, who uses embroidery to reveal how other feminine traditions have affected women's lives, and exhibits around the US and lectures at colleges about activism, textile art and women's issues.
Weddings can be nerve-racking when you are joining together with family that comes from different political/religious views. Everyone in the world is bubbled to the top, and on edge.
A couple must be conscious of the location of their wedding, especially if they are inviting a diverse group of people who may be affected by the venue. For instance, Christy’s brother, who is a gay man, was invited to a wedding in Jamaica where people are still openly prosecuted for being queer. He decided to not attend as it wouldn’t feel safe.
A wedding isn’t just about your day, it’s also about being a good host! Revisit the options, make a list of priorities, and figure out what are the most important factors for you and your guests.
As a guest, what is the most effective way to show your beliefs? Is it protesting outright, or is it showing up and making sure you are seen? Ultimately, though. only attend if you feel safe in that space.
If you choose to politicize your wedding, it doesn’t have to be huge and over the top. There are ways to do it in small, meaningful ways. You can change the outdated language to be more reflective of the current times. Removing man and wife, or kiss the bride, etc will be impactful. Modernize your wedding, get rid of the outdated traditions. You can ask for charitable donations instead of a gift, or replace the wedding favor with a donation.
Remember that good change will trickle down, but understand that you are not going to save the world on your wedding day. Just be conscious and deliberate with your choices that speak to your passions. These choices can be so impactful. Small ripples make big changes down the road.
Some states make it harder for men to change their name, so if you are in one of those states, contact your local ACLU. Mx. is the new gender neutral new prefix. When in doubt, and you know they identify as female, use Ms., it is equivalent to Mr. in respect.
Links we referenced
www.hitchswitch.com Promo Code: BIGWEDDING
Google: MAGA Wedding
https://www.insideedition.com/vegan-bride-reportedly-bans-meat-eating-guests-her-wedding-50878 - Vegan Bride story
Buy the book! https://www.etsy.com/listing/593663616/signed-book-the-adventures-and?ref=shop_home_feat_1
“Love in the US is regulated by the US Government. You have to go to town hall to get a license to get married. Same sex marriage was outlawed until a few years ago. Interracial marriage was outlawed several decades ago. Love has always been regulated. So, when you regulate something as pure as love, it becomes political.” - Katrina
“Weddings are a community event. You have to treat everyone within your community with equal respect.” - Katrina
“If you are going to politicize your wedding, it doesn’t have to be huge and over the top. It can be in these really small moments. This is kind of why I wrote my book. Because within all these traditions, no one really understands that there are all these very political small acts in it. It’s the same as the example of in the vows, when you go to a wedding and you hear you are now husband and wife or you are now man and wife. You know, why is the person still a man, why is it a wife? The whole issue of Mr and Mrs. It’s all really secretly imbedded in there, all the way down to just policing of women’s reproductive rights, and fertility. There’s nothing that’s clean. So, to really fine tune your wedding ceremony, and your reception is probably the most impactful thing that you can do. Because then you’re helping to evolve and modernize outdated wedding traditions.” - Katrina
“To justify that, ‘I choose my choice regardless of other people’s feelings or how it impacts other people,’ that’s something called choice feminism. And I hate the term, because it gives feminism, which is the idea of equality for everyone, a bad rap. But it’s the idea that you can use the concept of the freedom of choice to justify choosing whatever you want, regardless of how it impacts other people or yourself. And you’re making these choices in an unhealthy, already biased system. So, to say, ‘well this is my day. I’m gonna do whatever I want, regardless of how it impacts other people,’ is a really good example of choice feminism. And it eventually just perpetuates these unhealthy systems. Which causes us to have these conversations, today.” - Katrina
“I guarantee you, the more you invest mentally into this, and intellectually into your wedding day, I think it’s just going to result in a more meaningful wedding. Because you have been so invested in every little detail and step. And you’re being mindful of not just yourself, but when you care about other people, you can’t help but feel better about who you are and the place you have within it.” - Katrina
“The reason why only the shitty options are affordably available to a couple is because no one is ever stretched a little bit further to say, ‘well let’s make the healthy choices more affordable for everyone.’” - Katrina
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