#89 You Ask, We Answer - 6

May 30th, 2018 · 48 mins 14 secs

About this Episode

YAWA time! You ask, we answer. We’re talking about the importance of a month-of planner, the difference between a day-of coordinator and a venue manager, and what to do when one partner’s family is complicated and small, and the other partner’s family is wonderful and big. Guest list creation brings out emotions sometimes, and we’ve heard from many couples about how stressful it can be. Let us help you!

Big Takeaways
A few random things we learned: Christy can’t handle having fake nails. Christy and Michelle agree that pubic hair sucks. And all our listeners need to become PATRONS ON OUR PATREON PAGE!
In summary:

1 Email “Future Mother-in-Law Wants to be the Planner”

Ask: How does an American bride get her French mother-in-law to see the light when it comes to hiring a wedding planner for her wedding in France?
Answer: Try to sell it as a peace-of-mind thing. And that while you appreciate his mom's help and advice, you want to be able to bond with her without wedding planning defining your entire relationship. Your partner needs to agree with you and then help you by pitching it to his mom - as an opportunity to relax and enjoy the weeks leading up to the wedding. Especially since you have family traveling in and with all the planning from abroad. Everyone will feel so much more confident if a month-of planner was on board. And you want to avoid any unnecessary conflict between you and your future MIL, and also lessen the burden for her. We suggest you stand your ground on this one!

2 Email “Venue Coordinator seems good. Do we still need our own day-of planner?”

Ask: This dear bride has a nice venue picked out and they seem like a wedding-machine. The venue provides all rentals and handles all catering and provides a planner throughout the planning process as well as an on-site coordinator day-of. Does this bride still need a wedding planner?
Answer: In short - maybe. Typically with a wedding-machine-venue like this, the day-of coordinator that they provide will suffice, if you are having a fairly simple wedding in terms of logistics. Keep in mind, though, that the coordinator works FOR THE VENUE, not you. We definitely suggest that you pull in an additional day-of coordinator if you have the funds. If not, a venue coordinator is certainly better than no coordinator at all , and if you're lucky, she'll be totally awesome and meet all your needs! It’s important to find out exactly what she will and won’t do so that you can make an informed decision and feel relaxed and in capable hands for the entirety of your wedding day.

3 Email “Family Situation = SAD”

Ask: How do I best support my fiance in guest list planning when his family situation makes him upset and sad?

Answer: Totally agree that the guests at your wedding should be the most important people in your life as well as those you think will stick longer than the wedding date. Have you had a chance to listen to our "Episode #5 The Guest List"? Link below.
2 questions you two need to consider when culling the familial invites in order to keep your sanity:
1) Will this particular person upset him on his wedding day? Make trouble of any kind? If so, then I would strongly advise not inviting him/her
2) Would not inviting this person cause your fiance to feel strong regret after the wedding day is over? If so, then I would lean on inviting him/her.

Links we referenced
www.zola.com/bigwedding
http://www.thebigweddingplanningpodcast.com/the-guest-list

Quotes
“He doesn’t seem to really get it! How do I get my fiancé and MIL on board with at least a month of coordinator?” - Listener

“I suggest you ask lots of questions in regards to what exactly she'll do for you, and more specifically, what she won't do. Also, try to make sure that whomever is helping you through the planning process at the venue will also be present on the day of, and get specific hours.” - Christy, answering a question about venue planners

“This really shouldn’t be a frigging question - of having at least a month-of planner.” - Michelle sums it up

“We should put that on our business cards, since we both specialize in it. ‘Christy Matthews Events - AT LEAST a month of coordinator!’ ” - Christy and Michelle agree on rebranding

“This is an investment...we eat, sleep, and breathe weddings. And we spend a lot of time and energy in our job doing what we do. Believe me when I tell you that spending $2-3,000 is along the lines of what people pay for professional wedding coordinators. And it is money very well spent.” - Michelle, describing the value of the role

“We’re big fans of self care and therapy. For all of those that are going through difficult dynamics and situations with your families...take care of yourself and your hearts, and take care of each other.” - Christy

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