#86 Feminism & Weddings - Questioning Traditions

May 16th, 2018 · 1 hr 5 mins

About this Episode

We are STOKED to have feminist artist, author and former Bride, Katrina Majkut on the podcast. She wrote the book ‘The Adventures and Discoveries of a Feminist Bride’ and it is awesome. Eye opening! Christy devoured it and Michelle has some ‘aha moments’ during the podcast recording. This episode is not to be missed - you’ll laugh, you’ll learn, and you might even change some things up for your own wedding after listening to this episode. Enjoy!

Big Takeaways
‘The Adventures and Discoveries of a Feminist Bride’ invites readers to join author Katrina Majkut on a personal and powerful prenuptial journey. With fearless curiosity and fun feminism, the book asks such questions as: Why do brides need their parents’ permission to marry? Why don’t men wear engagement rings? And why do women change their surname? Katrina’s book examines proposals, engagement rings, wedding cake, garter tossing and so much more - plus, she shares her own journey, and the decisions she made for her own wedding, which we found so accessible and fun to read.

What do I need to do to make this a feminist wedding and/ or an appropriately ‘mine’ LGBTQ wedding?

  1. Make sure that your fiancé is on board. Equality and respect can only happen if everyone is working toward the same goals.
  2. Don’t accept tradition at face value. Learn about what your buying into and investing in. Doing so will add more meaning to the process and event. It will even empower you and your fiancé because you’ll make tweaks so your wedding will represent you not some industry-pushed ideal and generic, obsolete value. These traditions all have back stories and some of them are not awesome! Decide what’s right for you and your partner. Make the wedding mean something to YOU!
  3. Be mindful of resorting to traditional gender roles. Ask yourself why am I defaulting to doing things this way? Even if the impact is not obvious, will this negatively impact someone I love or myself? How can I do them differently? And what’s the benefit to me and the people I love.
  4. Being part of a team is awesome, but not if it comes at the expense of your individuality. Your unique self is what helped to make the team special in the first place, that’s who made your partner fall in love with you. There’s a ‘we’ in wedding, but there’s also an ‘I’ too.
  5. Accept that it is not “the brides big day.” You may be throwing a party in you and your fiancé’s honor, but you’re also a host to friends and family. Be as generous and respectful to them as you would yourself. I hope this mindset lends itself to being an intersectional feminist, where how you throw a party takes into consideration the diverse values and lifestyles of your nearest and dearest because there are a lot of traditional wedding traditions that don’t, such as the bouquet toss and the “no ring, no bring” guest policy.

Top 3 Most Sexist Traditions:

  1. Bridal Shower (Chapter 5, page 58)
  2. Engagement Ring (Chapter 1, page 9)
  3. Name Change (Chapter 14 & 15) & Wedding Titles (Chapter 7, page 82 &14)

Same-Sex weddings are changing the game and we are into it! Couples are creating new traditions, picking and choosing what they want to honor and how...for many gay couples, it feels like they are making up their own rules. This can be daunting and liberating...for planners, it’s super fun! With the way gay couples are turning tradition on it’s side here and there, all couples are able to make moves towards more equitable wedding planning and wedding days. Tweak things so that they are more meaningful to YOU and your partner. YOur guests will love anything you do with an authentic voice...and that is a great start to a great celebration.

Links we referenced
Buy the book!
https://www.amazon.com/Adventures-Discoveries-Feminist-Bride-Before/dp/1684330114/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1526441631&sr=8-1&keywords=feminist+bride
Katrina’s website and blog:
http://thefeministbride.com
Want to learn more?
http://thefeministbride.com/10weddingtraditionsworthskipping/
http://bust.com/books/19625-jill-filipovic-h-spot-review.html

Quotes
“I’m always so impressed with people who write books. I don’t even read books!” - Michelle “Yea, you probably should start there.” - Christy

“It’s really important to me not to just critique a system that’s broken, but to offer solutions. People want a call to action...there are lots of different options available to partners out there.” - Katrina, Feminist Bride

“A big theme in the book is how to be more vigilant about the things we just follow. I think there is a culture of accepting a tradition at face value and not questioning it. And there’s this hedonistic factor...we’re told if we do all these things, then we’ll be really happy. We’re not programmed to question that.” - Katrina

“If you’re someone who appreciates the right to vote, access to birth control, having the right to exist in the work-place or the home without the fear of violence...you might be a feminist.” - Katrina

“The cake is made out of all fertility symbols. It’s just a big superstitious tradition that is meant to knock up the bride.” - Katrina

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